Delicious Ambiguity

Somewhere between 48 months and a lifetime ago, I began this weird journey at Bastrop Federal Satellite Camp. As I stand now at the threshold of leaving here, I'm reminded of the words of the late and beloved Gilda Radner who, at the threshold of leaving this earthly life wrote, "Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about NOT knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." That's the delicious ambiguity of life.

I'm leaving here tomorrow. Thanks to Jared Kushner, his father-in-law, and the First Step Act enacted last December, I will be allowed to spend two-thirds of my 6 year sentence here and the remainder in home confinement because I'm a non-violent, elderly offender. While grateful, I'm not excited about being considered elderly, but if the senior discount works....And if you're a tax payer, you should also be grateful, because my early departure will save the federal government at least $80,000.

Now, to admittedly look a gift horse directly in the mouth, I should have departed here weeks ago, but my application sat on the Case Manager Coordinator's desk for a month waiting for a signature. Apparently I was nowhere near as important to her as I am to myself. Go figure. At least my Case Manager, Camp Administrator, Warden, and the regional office approved it quickly, so I wasn't further delayed. Those extra weeks have been particularly long and difficult, but they too will pass, reminding me that nothing is permanent. Well, love is permanent. Love is eternal.

So, after hundreds of blog posts, let's wrap up this story. By necessity, it has been mostly an "I" story. Sometimes, for better or worse, we have to travel downward into ourselves before we can travel outward into the connections that create the "We" stories. Thankfully, those "We" stories have also begun here and will warm and guide my life for years to come. In that sense, working on who I am became an essential part of knowing whose I am. Obviously, that process is ongoing, and I'm convinced those "We" stories won't have a clear beginning, middle, and end either. Though it seems clear they will be experienced with the same uncertainty but with more peace than when I arrived here.

My prayer is that we will take every moment and make the best of it, finding joy in the delicious ambiguity of life!

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